In the beginning...

So, this is my blog.  I am painfully behind the times when it comes to this whole medium of communication and online journaling.  It doesn't even have a proper name yet.  My husband, I will call him "K," asked me "What's the point of it?" when I asked for help with a name.  I don't really have strong feelings about a name yet and I'm sure the "point" or direction might meander a little before it finds it's course.  In time, it will come to me I guess.

I used to think that blogs were for pretentious, self important people who liked to over share details of their private lives as if they felt that people actually wanted to read it.  My intentions are much more simple, and even more self-important.  I don't even care if anyone reads this.  It's really more for me.  It's all for me at this point.  I don't really care if I offend anyone, or if I come across a certain way.  It's not about you, whoever you are, it's about me.  I used to be a prolific journalist back in my High School days.  I used to love to write a doodle and scribble my every thought and emotion onto pages and pages of sketch books, notebooks and fancy covered journals from the expensive bookstore.  Those pages were full of raw, unfiltered teen angst and lots of profanity.  I still think that way but rarely take the time to write that way anymore.  Truth be told, I am faster at typing and have a number of empty journals with the first page written that will never be filled that I have failed to finish.  I hope this will be a better endeavor.

I think the impetus that started this particular journal was the whole "New Year's Resolution" clusterfuck that occurs this time of year.  I had the misfortune of going to Walmart today, where I shop for my groceries and household items each week.  (More on my shopping habits later.)  Not only was it the first Saturday of the month so everyone and and their mother who receives public assistance was there buying shit that continues the cycle of obesity and poverty (again, more on that later) but since we are expecting a few inches of snow tonight people were going bat shit crazy to buy up milk and bread before they are inevitably stranded in their homes without power or a way out (we will revisit this again later as well).  So, anyway, I was at Walmart and overheard many people talking about "I am totally going paleo this year" or "Glutens are sooooo toxic" and a bunch of other stuff that just annoyed me a little at a time until I wanted to just scream, "JUST SHUT UP!" Instead, I filled my cart, went over my budget a smidge and treated myself to a candy bar that I didn't earn (ooooh, more foreshadowing to another future topic!) fuming about these people I didn't know and would likely never see again.  Why the hell did I care if they "went paleo" or if they didn't understand what gluten was?  I realized that the problem was mine alone, and there was the lightbulb over my head.  I can't be the only middle class, caucasian working Mom trying to feed a family of insanely picky eaters healthy food on a budget.  I don't want to be anybody's inspiration (and ESPECIALLY not their "thinspiration" whatever the fuck that's supposed to be) I just want to get it all out and if someone happens to read it and thinks, "Yup, I get it" and it makes them feel better for a few minutes, so be it.

So, if you stumble upon this blog, take it for what it is.  If you want to make a comment, go for it.   Here is my plan of action (cause that's how my brain works):

1) Each week, keep record of the groceries I buy and how much I spend.  This way I can track trends and make better choices to save money and wean myself away from the necessary evil that is Walmart.

2) Try new foods.  I have never been afraid of food.  I love food.  I REALLY love food, but my fur gets all fluffed up when someone (even my mother, who is a saint and one of the people I love most in this world) suggests "You should try this new healthy thing..."  I tend to gravitate towards delicious and not so nutritious foods and have to steer myself towards fresh veggies and fruits.

3) Move away from processed foods.  This is a tough one.  I am a working mother with two kids (more on them later) and let's face it, fruit snacks, macaroni and cheese and granola bars are really fucking convenient.

4) Exercise consistently.  This is only difficult because of my schedule.  A year ago I started running (well, jogging really) and I took to it slowly but fervently.  I love to exercise.  LOVE it.  I need to make the time to keep up with my routine.  I sleep better, feel better, look better and like myself so much better when I exercise 4+ times per week.  Now, before you hate me, I am still fat.  More on that whole thing later.

Ok.  I think that's enough for one night.
-A